Thursday, 18 June 2009

• Would the World Ever Stop for Me?

  No... this is not a rant post

  I found myself mumbling those words while I was climbing up a slow-moving bus with two heavy bags of newly purchased textbooks and a two gigantic roles of plastic book covers.

  Why the hell are you moving when I can barely hold on to the railings, damn it?

  Would the world ever stop for me?

  Why the hell do I have to go to school?

  Just kill me already.

  I was tired and miserable. Carrying two fucking bags of expensive textbooks drained the energy out of me. People look at me as if they've never seen a struggling student before. I wanted to say 'Fuck you all. You don't know how hard it is for me. You do not know how miserable I am. Wasting all my money on stuff that's going to do nothing but give me a mind numbing headache.'

  Why won't the world pause for a while and give me a fuckin' break? Huh? Why?

  But when I sat on one of the seats, I thought about what I just said.

  I'm just an insignificant speck of dust. Why would it stop for me when it doesn't stop for anyone else who's having a crappier time than I? Why won't it stop for those who starve so they can get all the opportunity in the world to raid convenient stores with no one to stop them?

  There are people who can't afford to buy a piece of paper while I can afford to buy all those expensive books. Of course it's heavy, it sucks carrying them all but that's a small price to pay for having all those blessings. But here I am, whining about it. So, if I'm complaining about carrying them, then, it's as if, I'm cursing the heavens for providing me with overflowing blessings.

  Then there are those who want to go to school but can't afford it and I'm studying... in a decent college that serves us with quality education. And I'm lucky 'coz I am. I have what many people want but can't get. But because of a little difficulty, I'm thinking of throwing it away. What kind of person am I?

  Just kill me already? That has got to be the worst thing that came out of my dirty little mouth. There are people who just died. There are people who are about to die and don't even know it and there are people who are expected to die. Some are seven years old and ready to die because they're sick. But I'm taking my life for granted, wishing for it to end just because of those books. Again, I have what they wish to have but I'm not seeing that. All I ever see is my own 'suffering.'

  So, would the world ever stop for me?

  No, it wouldn't even stop for those who are poverty-stricken and dying. They have to adapt to the lifestyle of the poor and the dying. All I have to do is climb a slow-moving bus with two heavy bags. It's just a temporary adjustment. I don't have to do it again. What right do I have to say that?

  The world will never adjust to my needs and wants. I'm the one who should adapt. And I've no right to complain about how 'miserable' I am and wonder if the world will ever adapt to suit my wants because there are more people in the world who are in worse situations than I but they're the ones who adjust.

  lastly...

  Danielle, you are a selfish bitch. You do not deserve what you have. The world needs a break from the likes of you.

  • 8:34 PM
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